Things on my mind

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1.  Spring Break
2.  Fitness/wellness - exercise, healthy eating, sugar detox, gave up soda, weight loss.
3.  Trying to figure out what to do with everything in my craft room...we are getting a permanent house guest
4.  Air Force man is coming home in 23 days!
5.  Time with my four year old niece.
6.  Birthdays, late cards letters and gifts...I just can't get it together.
7.  Birthday, mine, today!  I'm getting SO old.
8.  Family history - tracing family lines...How fascinating!
9.  General Conference weekend - So uplifting!
10.  I've thought about you, truly I have...I've just been so busy in body, mind and spirit.

What 16 looks like

This is ladybug and her wonder woman pose or superman, yeah, superman...she's a big fan.

She turned 16 on the 4th and broke her mama's heart.  

I told her when she was little to quit that growing up, and she was exasperated at 5 years old and said, 

"I don't know how to stop!"

I don't usually make a big birthday deal...we celebrate with family and offer small gifts.  

But, 16, that birthday is a monumental birthday.  

She can date and at some point, when "I'm ready", 

She can drive.

Can you tell what Ladybug's favorite color is?  

I love mason jars, and decided to use them for putting out the treats...

We used them for cutlery, too.
Cutlery...that's a funny word.

What an amazing, sweet, smart and righteous daughter Ladybug has become!

I am grateful and feel truly blessed.

*Happy Birthday to you printable here

*Celebrate banner printable here

Time is a thief

Time...you can't stop it...it continues on unless it is daylight savings and you fall back and even then you have to give back.  Time has been on my mind a lot lately and not necessarily because of Day Light Savings.  No...the passing of time has brought on the aging of two of my children.

My oldest turned 22 last week and my baby turned 16.  Not that they changed over night or anything, but in my mind they have.  Time is like a thief and it has stolen yet again.  Where has their childhood gone?

I lament the passing of time...It is agonizing sometimes to watch.

Each time I look in the mirror I wonder who is this woman staring back at me, and where did my own 16 and 22 year old self go?  Every wrinkle is a reminder of the passage of time and of living.

It's sad really, and also sweet.

It's about the destination and how we get there that matters.  Time continues on and we press forward living the best life we can, and being the best person we can be, because we want to matter in the end.

I want to matter.

When I look at my 16 year old, I relive where I was, evaluating where I am, and focus on where I am headed...jogging down this pathway of life.  And, despite my heart's lamentations of time, it's all good.

Time is often a welcomed thief...

Miguel's Missionary Moment

Miguel sent a letter home last week that broke my mama heart.  Some of the things people do, say and how they treat others, particularly my Miguel, just breaks my heart.  I can't believe some people are filled with such hatred.  Everyone is going through something, and they are all Heavenly Father's children.  I try to remember that when my heart ached  for the experience my son went through.  Everyone is someone's son or daughter.  They are loved and treasured and not to be treated like a parasite...Today is Miguel's 20th birthday, I'm sharing a few moments from his life, sharing a mother's love for her son, and Miguel's experiences this past week follows below...

"This week our top investigator, Adam, dropped us.  He said that he was not ready to make a covenant with God, but that we deeply affected his life and how much we have changed him.  It was kind of a weird experience because I have never had someone drop us for that reason. He did say it wasn't a closed book, and he is going to continue reading the Book of Mormon.  I was just not expecting it because of how spiritual our meetings had been.  but 

This week we taught a lady named June for the second lesson and she actually invited two of her friends.  The member we had brought along really hit it off with them and actually extended the invitation to come to church,  It was a great lesson, and she invited us in again this coming week. 

Also this week we met some people who really persecuted us pretty heavily.  One guy when we knocked on his door came out cussing and yelling when we hadn't said anything, yet.  Later that same day we were in a neighborhood contacting a less active member, and I stopped and talked to a guy and his neighbor came out yelling that I was breaking the law and while he was in our face yelling at us his neighbors decided to join in when we were just walking away.  So we had about five people yelling at us in the middle of a neighborhood about soliciting when we had not knocked on a single door.  It was sad how hard people's hearts are.  Elder Loertscher and I kind of laughed it off. 

Sunday was kind of a hard day, we had 3 appointments cancel, and couldn't seem to find anyone to talk to.  We prayed for miracles over and over again and we ended up teaching three different people, getting 21 meaningful contacts, and after that when we went home to make dinner for ourselves at 8:00 our neighbors invited us to come eat with them!  We are now going to be teaching one of their sons who was over for the bbq it was a great testimony of diligence and the Lord answering prayers. 

Elder Miguel Out!"

Happy 20th Birthday, buddy...Mama misses you.

That Time I Was Selfish...

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I have always tried to live my life pleasing to others and to my Heavenly Father, but there was that one time I was selfish and called out for it.  Although I wasn't the perfect teenager (let me just say moody is an understatement), I always tried to do what was expected of me.  I had awesome grades and tried to be a good daughter, I had a job and paid for my own clothes and other necessities.  I remain active in the Church of my youth.  I am the one who instigates extended family dinners, the birthday celebrator, the planner, the glue.  As a wife and mother, I'm always trying to please, clean and nurture and meet often times demanding needs.  It is a constant battle, this pleasing others thing, a balancing act,  and sometimes I slip.

Like that time my son came home for a visit for a belated birthday present.  What a surprise!  What a whirlwind weekend...less than 48 hours to enjoy him.  Less than 48 hours to make up for not having seen him in four months.  Forty-eight hours to mother, nurture, cook for and enjoy this man boy of mine and selfishly I did not share.  Out of necessity and obligation, I took him to see his grandparents.  It was fun, but I longed to be able to take him home to the nest.  Friends pleaded, "If he comes home, please send him over."  Did I call or send?  No.  Even my own brother and his family I didn't call.  He was mine and that is all.  

And in one text, my selfishness was like a slap to the face.  I had hurt my brother.  All those years of trying to be the best and to do what's right culminated to nothingness in the wake of my omission.  My omission of including others, my imperfection.  I expressed my sorrow to my son over hurting my brother.  He said to me that "It doesn't matter, mom, I'm here for YOU"...It doesn't matter...I'm here for you...  I think I've heard that somewhere before.  The Savior whispers this to us everyday.  After every little imperfection he whispers and sometimes yells, "It doesn't matter, I'm here for YOU".   All these imperfections and sins of omission, He is here for me.  As I strive to make up for these imperfections, I am forgiven.  While I may not be forgiven by my brother for a while, I know that my Savior forgives my weaknesses and for this I am so very grateful.

 Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I  give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my  grace is sufficient for all men that  humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

A Spotlight and a Birthday

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Today I, as in my blog, is being spotlighted at Mormon Mommy Blogs.  Conveniently, unbeknownst to them, it is my birthday, as well.

Check out their Spotlight here.

Thanks, Mormon Mommy Blogs for making me feel special today!

Grateful for Facebook

I'm grateful for Facebook.  There's that word again:  Grateful, Gratitude, Thankful, Thanksgiving.  I know you are wondering, what the heck?  Yes, I am grateful for Facebook and their gentle reminder that my Military Man's 21st birthday was yesterday and Ladybug's 15th birthday is today.  I am forgetful in my old age.  They say a mom might forget the pain of child birth, but what they don't tell you is that the mom's might forget the birthday's if it weren't for the kindness of the good people at Facebook.

Actually, I could never forget my kids birthday's.  I'm just being funny here.  Happy birthday to my TJ, it was just yesterday you looked like this..

And Ladybug...

I still remember when TJ asked if we could put you back, that he wanted a brother.  

Sibling rivalry!  Yeah, that stuff starts early!  

I'm grateful for the opportunity to be your mother.  

Birth Stories, WHAT?

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Why do people find it necessary to share their birth stories?  And, why are they all so dang perfect and beautiful?  I'm not sure we even went through the same experience!  I mean seriously, why would I want to relive those torturous hours?  Those hours that truly were the complete opposite of beauty...Hmmm I ask you, Why? WHY?

My first son was an emergency C-Section.  Nothing spells glorious moments as when the nurse is checking your dilation and gooses a baby butt!  My second son was a normal birth, but the pain, oh my hell the pain!  Did you know that because we were military and it was "after hours" our insurance wouldn't cover an Anesthesiologist for non emergencies.  So, no epidural, thanks US Government!  AND, no one told me that I might have bodily functions while pushing that big old baby head out.  What the heck?  Baby number three, Ladybug, was another C-section.  She was a stubborn one like her older brother and was wanting to show the world that cute arse first.  Just sayin'.  You know what they try to do for those breech babies?  TURN THEM!  My doctor was pressing so hard on my stomach that he braced his foot on the wall.  Let's just say, she didn't turn and I had bruises later.  Oh and if they offer you a colon cleanse before hand,  JUST SAY NO!  Those beautiful moments after a C-section include the smell of burning flesh (mine), trying to hold a sweet infant on my chest while I'm numb from toes to chest and concentrating on taking every breath because when you are numb almost to your chest, breathing seems quite difficult.

So, let's cut to the chase...Birthing sucks!  Yes, it is beautiful to bring a life into this world, and I love all my children, but GROSS!!!!  Let's just skip ahead a couple days into the future and we'll go from there...

That is all...Amen

Birthday Weekend

In honor of my birthday, KT wanted to take me out of town.  He had this planned before we knew we were even taking a trip to see Military Man in Salt Lake.  I knew it was important to him to do this for me, and let's face it, it was fetchin' sweet, so we did go out of town two week ends in a row.  Very indulgent, like we NEVER do this...We have been married for almost 23 years, and I can count on one hand the number of weekends away we have had.

This is where we stayed...

It was a lovely place and so peaceful..

While we were there it was warm and 60's at home, but it snowed and was chilly in the mountains.  It was a perfect opportunity for photography, reading and sleeping....And we still made it home in time for Easter Services.

This is a very frozen Payette Lake.  

This is KT standing on said frozen lake.  

A lake we have boated on and tubed on in the summer.  

Stark contrast, wouldn't you say?  

Here is the Brundage Ski resort, we checked out.  But, I don't ski, and it WAS "MY" weekend...

This was so sweet and relaxing, and truth be told, it was the first birthday in sixteen years that I haven't spent at either a softball field or baseball field.  And that's a fact!

From baby to 14!

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Here is the mommy blog portion of my blog, where I brag about my children and spotlight them.  If you tuned in yesterday, you saw that my oldest baby turned 20.  Well, today my youngest baby, Ladybug, turns 14.  Yeah that wasn't very good planning on our part, but she WAS two weeks early.  She was breech just like her older brother and after an attempt at turning her with no success, the doctor decided it would be best to go ahead and take her by c-section early.  She COULD have been born on her brother's birthday, but he would have nothing to do with THAT.  So we went for the 4th.  Nothing like being able to plan and schedule the birth of your baby.  Let me tell you, that is AWESOME!

Ladybug has been such a pleasant baby, child and, now, a young woman.  She is thoughtful, kind, smart, beautiful and her mama's best friend.  She has been a difficult child to buy a birthday gift for because she doesn't "want".  She isn't the type of child to say "I need this..."  "I want that..."  This mama has got to use her imagination!  At fourteen we will let her attend Church and school dances (without a date but with a group of friends).  She is excited for this new development in her maturity.

Ladybug and I treasure our girl dates and chick flick movie marathons.  We love it when daddy goes on scout camp outs because that means we get to have a "girl weekend".  We are looking forward to an upcoming "girl weekend".  We are planning crafts, movies and meals out.  That is just the best!

I love this girl and thank you, God, 

for sending her into my life fourteen years ago today!

My Oldest Baby

Source:  USAF

Today my oldest baby turns 20.  What is that you say?  It's true!  I joke you not!  Twenty years ago today I gave birth to Military Man in San Diego, CA.  It was an emergency C-section.  He was breech, and they didn't discover it until I was 8 cm dilated.  He has always preferred to do things his own way.  I should have known back then....

When he was two, he could dress himself.  He loved to say "I can do it myself!" Shrugging off his mommy's offer to, well, MATCH.

When he turned 18, he decided an LDS mission wasn't for him.  And, that's okay...But, he couldn't get out of dodge fast enough.  He wanted to grow up, be a man and prove to everyone that "He could do it himself!"

This is the first birthday I have ever spent without him.  He left last year on March 8th.  It makes me sad as a mama that my babies are growing up and moving away.  I must say that I am not particularly fond of this part of my life.  The letting go moments are coming far too often these days.  I just hope my children realize, as they leave home, how much their mama has loved them.

Happy Birthday, TJ

 

Happy Birthday KT

Happy birthday, KT! 

What are you like 60? Seriously...Except I can't find one gray hair on your head. 

You suck! Just sayin'. 

Even though I am on a limited sugar kick, I'll even make you a birthday cake. 

Now that is LOVE! ♥♥♥

Just to clarify...The cake WON'T look like this.

But isn't it freaking cool?!

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My 42nd Year Bucket List

I've been contemplating being 42, and, yes, I think I am having a midlife crisis. More than likely my life is half way over. There are things I want to do that I've never done before my 42nd year is up.

Here is my "Bucket List"

1.  Skydiving with my friend J-Thurbs who happens to be  23 years younger than me!

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2.  Run in a 10K.  I've done a 5K now it's time for the 10.

 

3. I'd totally like to see the Grand Canyon.  Never been there and it's about time.

Ya hear that KT?

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