Friday, May 3, 2013

That Time I Was Selfish...

I have always tried to live my life pleasing to others and to my Heavenly Father, but there was that one time I was selfish and called out for it.  Although I wasn't the perfect teenager (let me just say moody is an understatement), I always tried to do what was expected of me.  I had awesome grades and tried to be a good daughter, I had a job and paid for my own clothes and other necessities.  I remain active in the Church of my youth.  I am the one who instigates extended family dinners, the birthday celebrator, the planner, the glue.  As a wife and mother, I'm always trying to please, clean and nurture and meet often times demanding needs.  It is a constant battle, this pleasing others thing, a balancing act,  and sometimes I slip.

Like that time my son came home for a visit for a belated birthday present.  What a surprise!  What a whirlwind weekend...less than 48 hours to enjoy him.  Less than 48 hours to make up for not having seen him in four months.  Forty-eight hours to mother, nurture, cook for and enjoy this man boy of mine and selfishly I did not share.  Out of necessity and obligation, I took him to see his grandparents.  It was fun, but I longed to be able to take him home to the nest.  Friends pleaded, "If he comes home, please send him over."  Did I call or send?  No.  Even my own brother and his family I didn't call.  He was mine and that is all.  

And in one text, my selfishness was like a slap to the face.  I had hurt my brother.  All those years of trying to be the best and to do what's right culminated to nothingness in the wake of my omission.  My omission of including others, my imperfection.  I expressed my sorrow to my son over hurting my brother.  He said to me that "It doesn't matter, mom, I'm here for YOU"...It doesn't matter...I'm here for you...  I think I've heard that somewhere before.  The Savior whispers this to us everyday.  After every little imperfection he whispers and sometimes yells, "It doesn't matter, I'm here for YOU".   All these imperfections and sins of omission, He is here for me.  As I strive to make up for these imperfections, I am forgiven.  While I may not be forgiven by my brother for a while, I know that my Savior forgives my weaknesses and for this I am so very grateful.

 Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I  give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my  grace is sufficient for all men that  humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

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  1. When I go home to visit my mom in Pittsburgh, I always feel guilty for not contacting old friends or letting anyone know I'm there. But it's the same thing. I'm there for her and it's such a short time. Yes, I'm selfish with my time, and in this case, it's for a good cause-- to give my time loving her.

  2. I would have hogged all the time with my child, too. :)


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