Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Birth Stories, WHAT?

Why do people find it necessary to share their birth stories?  And, why are they all so dang perfect and beautiful?  I'm not sure we even went through the same experience!  I mean seriously, why would I want to relive those torturous hours?  Those hours that truly were the complete opposite of beauty...Hmmm I ask you, Why? WHY?

My first son was an emergency C-Section.  Nothing spells glorious moments as when the nurse is checking your dilation and gooses a baby butt!  My second son was a normal birth, but the pain, oh my hell the pain!  Did you know that because we were military and it was "after hours" our insurance wouldn't cover an Anesthesiologist for non emergencies.  So, no epidural, thanks US Government!  AND, no one told me that I might have bodily functions while pushing that big old baby head out.  What the heck?  Baby number three, Ladybug, was another C-section.  She was a stubborn one like her older brother and was wanting to show the world that cute arse first.  Just sayin'.  You know what they try to do for those breech babies?  TURN THEM!  My doctor was pressing so hard on my stomach that he braced his foot on the wall.  Let's just say, she didn't turn and I had bruises later.  Oh and if they offer you a colon cleanse before hand,  JUST SAY NO!  Those beautiful moments after a C-section include the smell of burning flesh (mine), trying to hold a sweet infant on my chest while I'm numb from toes to chest and concentrating on taking every breath because when you are numb almost to your chest, breathing seems quite difficult.

So, let's cut to the chase...Birthing sucks!  Yes, it is beautiful to bring a life into this world, and I love all my children, but GROSS!!!!  Let's just skip ahead a couple days into the future and we'll go from there...

That is all...Amen


  1. Wow. I had much easier births than you did. It makes me cringe just imagining the doctor trying to turn that baby inside of you!!! And I am grateful every day that I could have epidurals. Otherwise I think I would have died. Shame on the US government for not providing them after hours to military!!!!!

    Hopefully the kids' growing up was a lot less painful!

  2. I agree 147%. Birthing stories are the worst!!! Especially when they go on and on detailing every minute and every half centimeter of dilation. Gross. No one needs to hear about anyone's cervix. Especially for my poor husband when he is reading someones blog with me. I had one friend that put a picture on her blog of her pushing (side view, but still). WAY TOO MUCH. All you need to say is "Baby _______ was born at _____. He weighed ______. He is cute and birth is awful." The end.

  3. oh dear! i had 6 beautiful births...lights low, me and my husband and the midwife and then finally a baby. there are beautiful birth stories,,,, unfortunately just maybe not yours! that is ridiculous about the insurance !!!! i would write a letter and petitions to some big shot in charge! 1 baby out of 8 of mine was born during 'normal" hours.

  4. Amen indeed.

    I spent much of my first birth on the can.



  5. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty grateful for the births of my kids right now. Mine were a ton easier than yours -- sorry.

    They're messy and gross. It's a good thing those babies are so dang cute!

    Thanks for sharing. Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

  6. I knew I wanted to adopt for some reason!


  7. Seems like birth stories are either one extreme or the other. It's either the most beautiful, fulfilling experience ever, or it was a horrendous nightmare. But for some reason women feel compelled to tell their story, asked for or not. And then it becomes a "my story is better than yours" competition.

    Strange that you've only ever heard the beautiful extreme of it because it seems like most women are bent on scaring everyone with their horror stories. It's almost like the more horrendous your story is the more of a woman you are. Women are strange creatures.

    Found you on MMB.

  8. Yeeeesss! Exactly! I spent my whole labour believing that I was going to die from pain and exhaustion, and trying to convince the nurses that I was dying, so they would do something! I don't know exactly what I wanted them to do, I just wanted them to do SOMETHING! Anyway, it was not beautiful (quite the opposite in fact), and I am just trying to block the entire experience out of my mind. Found you on Finding the Funny. This was a great post.

  9. COuldn't agree more!! Found you at finding the funny.

  10. That is the curse on giving birth. We are part of it but after the pain is the happiness that our kids brings.

  11. Funny post! Yes, my birth stories aren't exactly beautiful ones either. I remember a whole lot of PAIN with the first one. Skipping ahead a few days is a great idea!

  12. Women who haven't given birth like to read birth stories to try and fathom what it's like, I think. I've read equally bad and good, but I'm bothered that behind both of them seems to be a woman writing the WORST or the most BEAUTIFUL birth EVER!

    Personally, I have to agree -- extremely humiliating, uncomfortable and gross. Still, there are lots of other parts of life that could be said to be these as well, but don't result in a sweet baby.


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