'Tis the Season...For Weddings? and Advice

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It seems I am getting invitations to weddings left and right this past month.  College students getting married between semesters, I guess.  'Tis the season....Bright eyed brides and grooms staring lovingly into each other's eyes.  Their lives spread out in front of them, blue skies ahead!  But once that shiny newness wears off, the dress hung up and gifts put away, life gets real, you know?  I mean it is normal to have arguments and get irritated and want to quit from time to time.  Sometimes I think the most valuable gift we could give a newlywed is advice.  Really, sound, time-proven advice would be priceless.  If I could tie it up in a nice pretty package with a ribbon on top, this is what it would look like, but since I can't here are ten tips I would pass on to newlyweds if asked.  It has worked for me, and so far I have survived almost 26 years of marriage.  Yes, I said survived, because sometimes it is bliss and sometimes you have to just muddle through the rough patches.

1. Always keep Christ in your marriage.  Stay equally yoked in your religious beliefs.
2. Kill him/her with kindness even when you don't want to be nice
3. Relationships are more important than being right
4. Don't run home to mommy every time you have an argument.  In fact, unless there is abuse, keep disagreements private between you and your spouse.
5. Always hug each other when you come home.
6. Laugh together, often.
7. Persevere, press on
8. When you have rough patches, remember what you loved about each other
9. Share a hobby or interest
10. Date!  Fall in love all over again.

There you have it, my unsolicited, possibly unwanted marriage advice.  Here is some other advice I've blogged about in the past.

What advice would you add to this list?

And then there were two...

I sit here in the passenger seat watching endless snow covered fields and farms pass by. Safely enclosed in my 70 degree car I note the temperature outside is a balmy 5 degrees. We are heading to Rexburg, Idaho, to get Miguel set up at BYU - Idaho. Three cars we are....Miguel, his Fiancé and our car.

He has only been home for six months and he is leaving again...and we realized that he very well may have moved out for the last time. He's getting married between semesters in April leaving just TJ and Ladybug left.  Another letting go moment.

Sometimes the pain of being a mother just hurts too much.  I've been known to say I want to quit, I don't want to be a mom anymore, but, really, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Besides, he'll have to come home and visit to warm up. BRRRRRR!

Coming at ya from somewhere on I-86...


 

She said, "Yes!"

This picture doesn't require too much commentary.  In the time I have been absent from the blogging world, Miguel came home from Mission, Miguel met girl, Miguel fell in love with girl, and SHE SAID YES!  Meet my soon-to-be second daughter...and Ladybug is getting a sister!  She is over the top excited about it.


 

A Broken Heart and {MMB}

Yesterday I had an article post on MMB.  

Please stop by and offer your comment support.

Anniversary Advice

Today is my anniversary.  KT and I have been married for 24 years.  That's a long time especially in dog years, but I'm not saying we're dogs, just that its a long time.  It isn't always easy even though sometimes it might appear to be easy.  I'm married to a pretty opinionated guy, and pretty much he is always right even though he's not.  The motto that has helped my relationship survive this long is:  Relationships are more important than being right.  

A few years ago I also offered up this advice on making it work.

And also I described my marriage here.

What relationship/marriage advice do you have to offer?

 

How well does he know me?

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I'm participating in a Valentine's link up today entitled "How well does your spouse know you?" The list of questions is below.  My answers are in pink and KT's answers are in blue.

How long have you been married? 
Almost 23 Years
23 years


Where was your first date?  
McDonalds
McDonalds in Laie, Hawaii


Where was your first kiss? 
I can't remember
Bill Labigan's Car on a double date (He gets huge points for remembering this AND the one below)


Who first said, "I love you"? 
I can't remember that either.
Me


What were your wedding colors? 
Peach and White
Peach and white (WOW!)

What is her most commonly used phrase? 
It's all good
I know right…


Who is her celebrity crush? 
Gerard Butler
Matthew McConaughey (Yes, I do like Matthew, too.  Can I like both?)


If she was ordering drinks for both of you what would you each get? 
We would each get Coke Zero
Diet Mt. Dew and Diet Cherry Coke (While this is exactly true, I would have said this, too, but I thought it meant in a restaurant.  Diet Mt Dew or Diet Cherry Coke aren't usually carried in a restaurant.)


What is the best meal she has ever cooked you? 
Homemade Pizza
Southwestern Chicken (Both delicious)


What is the worst meal she has ever cooked you?
Probably Chili, KT hates Chili.  
Some kind of soup. (Hmmm Which does he hate more?)

 
What is the most-played song on her iPod? 
Since I listen mostly on the treadmill lately, I'd have to say anything Black Eyed Peas
Trouble by Taylor Swift (Oooo, good song!)


What would she say is your most annoying habit? 
Playing on his Ipad all the time.  He always has to be fiddling with electronics.
Picking ingrown hairs. (Yes!  Gross!) 
What is the last thing she does before she goes to bed? 
Washes my face
Asks me to play with her hair (True!  Yes, I do ask that, it is so relaxing).


If you could throw out one item of her clothing what would it be? 
My Air Force sweatshirt 
Black man socks!!!! (In my defense, these are my boot socks...)


What would you say is your favorite thing about her? 
He THINKS I am a good mom
She is beautiful inside and out. (Awww...Isn't he sweet?  Most of the time...)


What's her go-to drink at Starbucks? 
Hot Chocolate
Hot Chocolate


What's her blog's name?! 
That's What She Said...
That’s What She Said

How does this thing work?

On this day I have been married for 23 years or in September I'll have been married for 17.  I've married this man twice.  However you want to look at it....23 years?  17 years?  Pish posh! I'm still trying to figure out how this thing works.

KT is loud and opinionated while I am quiet, introspective and often shy.
KT likes to watch sports while I am more of an HGTV girl.
KT loves movies where things blow up, I prefer a romantic comedy.
KT likes to play golf, I like to run
KT can't stand it when the house is quiet, he has to have the TV on.  I prefer a bit of quiet solitude to buoy up my spirit.
KT drives fast, I keep the speed limit
KT prefers Diet Mountain Dew, while I enjoy Diet Cherry Coke.
KT likes cake, I like Ice cream
KT loves to discuss politics, I cringe at the idea.
KT likes Classic Rock, Dance tunes and Rap, I'm a country music girl

What is the glue that binds this thing together?  Sometimes our differences far outweigh our similarities!  But, we share the same religious and political views and that is so important.  (Fewer arguments in my estimation).  And, he makes me laugh.  Boy, can he make me laugh!  We share three children together.  The fruits of my labors, if you will....

What is the glue that binds your marriage together?

Things I Wish I Could Change

There are things I wish I could change about my home, my marriage, my family,and the way I raised my kids...There are somethings I wish I had done differently.  Not that I didn't do things well, I don't think I did too badly, but, you know, there are always some kind of regrets or room for improvement...

1. I wish that television wasn't such a focal point in our home.  I honestly don't really like it that much.  That isn't to say I don't watch a few shows here and there, but I can do without it most days.  Point in fact, after I get home from work at noon, the TV is never turned on.  I prefer the peace and quiet, my thoughts or a good book.  Unfortunately, most everyone else in my home is fairly addicted.  I wish we could just unplug.
2. I wish we had played more games with our kids.  KT doesn't like games, but I grew up playing them.  My favorites are word games like scrabble or any kind of card games.  I love to play cards.  The only child who likes to play games is Ladybug.  Sometimes two people aren't enough. 
3. I wish we had prayed together more as a family.  I did it when the kids were much younger religiously, but then the aforementioned point number 1 came into play later on.  How can a mama compete with sports and Disney?  We do pray, don't get me wrong, but family prayers were totally lacking.
4. Electronics ie, computers, phones, ipads, handheld games, video game systems have created such a distraction.  It's like people are in the room, but not really "in" the room.  I really love to talk to someone and look in their eyes.  It is so much more meaningful and really denotes true listening.  Isn't it fairly sad to see couples out on a date, so engrossed in reading the news or facebooking on their phones that they totally neglect each other?  We are truly becoming an anti social society...

What are some things you wish you had done differently?

Runner Up

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KT mentioned the other day that he wanted a "Trophy Wife".  Really, dear?  Well, I want an Adonis!  He likes to tease me, and he talks a lot of hot air, so I just ignored him.  But it stayed with me, and I mulled it over, and it mutated and festered...I stay fit, I wear clothes that aren't considered "frumpy", I take care of my hair and skin and for 42,  I don't think look TOO bad.  So later I told him he DID have a trophy wife, while I was changing and naked by the way....And he just looked at me raised his eyebrow and hesitated.

HE HESITATED!

H - E - S - I - T - A - T - E - D ! ! !  

His hesitation spoke volumes, dictionaries, encyclopedias I tell you! Then he looked at me and said, "Well you are the hottest 42 year old I know.............Wait!  Does that include Jennifer Aniston?"  So you see peeps, I am a runner up to Jennifer Aniston, and you know what?

That's okay cuz she is fetchin' hot.

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Anti - Valentine's Day

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This is the post where I go all Loco about Valentine's Day. It's a nice holiday and all, but its not for me. It's mostly commercial, and as my dear husband has pointed out before, "Every day is like Valentine's Day when you live with him." That used to bug the crap out of me, but you know I totally get it. If we can't be nice and do kind things for each other 364 days out of the year, then that one day, Valentine's Day, isn't really going to make any difference even if Hallmark tells us to... I'm not completely anti, I do buy my kids a treat and a card.

Once upon a time, I was fairly romantic. Yes, it's true. Crazy, right? I used to be creative about dates, and would write love notes and poems. After I got married, I wanted to carry on the same type of creative romantic traditions. After we were married a month, I cooked a romantic candlelit dinner. You know to celebrate one month. I was excited, this was special. But my dear husband didn't get it...He said, "Are you going to do this EVERY month we are married?" He was young (23) and immature, but it was then that I realized he didn't really care about all the extra fluff. All that effort I went through was not appreciated in the way I had hoped. After getting over the hurt, I realized it was not his love language, and over the years, it is no longer my love language either.

KT asked me the other day what I wanted for Valentine's Day, I guess he is trying to go all romantic on me after all these years, but I told him, if you have to ask, then don't bother. My love languages, are service, time and touch. I think he has a lot more work cut out for him than buying me a simple gift...

And if you want to read a Valentine's Facebook exchange between KT and I last year, you can read it here...Because what spells romance more than Facebook?

 

21 Year Ago Today...

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...I became the ball and chain, a married woman basically signing my death sentence. In all actuality, it was the beginning of a very happy marriage. Here's to another year! Check out this post from last year since I am too busy out of town to come up with something more original. Buenos Dias!

A lesson learned

Photo source

Once upon a time, not too long ago.  I didn't like my husband.  I know,  shocker, what kind of wife would actually admit to that?  And, for KT, who I know is reading this, it was like 6 years ago, and I'm past that now,  so just keep reading...He used to come home so crabby from work.  He was so short tempered with me and the kids.  I was resentful because everyone else got the better part of him, I felt like we just got the left overs.  We weren't really even friendly to each other, and I began to distance myself.  I was too stubborn to leave him and say, "I give up!", that's the Swede in me, but something had to be done.  So, I decided that I wasn't going to live with this situation anymore.  I decided that I wasn't going to live the rest of my life unhappy.  I made the decision to change me.  Now there are some things that I know for a fact I could not come back from; abuse, infidelity and pornography.  KT you have been warned...

When I was little and had trouble with a friend, my mother would always say to me "Kill them with kindness." So, that is what I vowed to do with my husband.  When he would come home grouchy and mouthy, I would throw my arms around him and tell him I loved him.  I touched him more, thanked him, praised him.  When he was engrossed in sports and ignoring me instead of feeling resentful, I would sit on his lap and kiss him and just cuddle.  In the beginning, I did not want to do this.  I felt like I was a traitor to my feelings, and couldn't he see he should be doing this for me?  It was interesting how receptive he was to me, and how he began to change.  My feelings began to change, too.  I no longer disliked him, I actually loved him again.  I rediscovered my best friend.  Then I began to realize that maybe it wasn't him at all!  Maybe he was reacting to me and my withdrawal of affection.  DING, DING, DING!  I had been a major biatch!

I am grateful for a marriage that could withstand my bitchiness and for a loving Heavenly Father pointing me in the right direction.  I share this because, I hear of so many marriages breaking up these days...friends that had good marriages or what seemed that way to me.  KT has friends at work who are just walking away from 20 years of marriage.  I weep for these people and think they should just try to follow my mommy's advice and  "Kill each other with kindness"...

It worked for me!

The One

A blogging friend at Quiet Like Horses recently blogged about The Moment You Knew.  The Moment you knew that your significant other was the one for you.  For her it, it was when he helped her cook her favorite meal of pad kee mao.  If I went off of cooking skills, I would still be looking for "the one".  KT's kitchen creations are limited to macaroni and cheese and frozen pizza.  I don't eat either of those.  Don't get me wrong, he can whip up a mean breakfast.  He is quite the chef in that capacity, but that wouldn't have snagged me either.  I don't cook breakfast...the extent of my breakfast cooking are poptarts, cereal and smoothies.  My kids are so blessed, but I digress...

 When did I know KT was the one?  I'd have to say when he asked me to marry him and gave me the ring.  It was more than just words, but action.  When he looked at me, and I could see on his face that he didn't want to live another minute without me.  When he was willing to take that risk, on me, just a girl.  You know, I walk around with confidence, but really, inside, I have so much self-doubt, even then.  I was just a girl wanting to be loved and to give love in return.  I wanted to be an adult, a wife and a mother.  KT offered that to me.  It wasn't perfect, in fact, I broke off the engagement.  I panicked...we were so different...different backgrounds...different religions.  I needed to work some things out.  I needed to know for sure...But, yet, he still wanted me and took me back.  Twenty years of marriage can sometimes dull those memories, but he can still give me butterflies...

When did you know?

Another Anniversary

I am lucky enough to have two anniversaries. My poor husband! He has to remember 2! We were sealed in the Washington, DC Temple 14 years ago. For those of you who are not of my faith, it means we were remarried in what we believe is a forever marriage, not just till death do us part. I just can't seem to shake this guy. Believe me, I've tried.

Anyway, it was a really neat experience because we were lucky enough to have our two year old Miguel and three year old TJ with us. The were so cute! Mom and Dad came from Colorado and my Grandma flew out from California. We were also blessed to have so many friends there from Lexington Park. I wish I took more pictures....

Happy Anniversary, AGAIN, KT

Aren't you glad you married me TWICE??!!

Marriage

My marriage is like a well rehearsed dance. The choreography having been perfected for almost twenty years. We know what the other is thinking and can finish each other sentences and thoughts. We know each other's likes and dislikes. We are aware of the other's needs before we can even ask. I know how to please him, and he knows how to please me. The seasoning to a good marriage is time, love and selfless sacrifice. This became even more evident during our recent trip. He knew when I was uncomfortable in crowds just by the grasp of my hand. I knew how he likes his cheeseburgers "de-pickled" in the car and then re wrapped so that it didn't drip on him while he was driving. We laughed as we realized we were craving the same foods. And, complained together when we recognized the fact that our kids didn't miss us as much as we missed them. Growing older means many things, where my kids are concerned, it means not needing us or missing us like they have in the past. Thankfully, to my marriage, it means growing closer to my best friend.

Milestones

I've been sitting here thinking about all the things that are going on this year, and I realized that 2009 will hold a lot of milestones for us. It is the year of my 4-0 birthday. It is the year of the BIG 20th wedding anniversary. It is the year that my oldest starts his senior year of high school, my youngest starts middle school and my middle son will be in 11th grade! It is a year of bittersweet; a year of mixed emotions. Mostly it is a year of:

HOLY CRAP, I'M GETTING OLD!!

I am struggling with ideas of what to do on these special days. We usually don't celebrate anniversaries in a big way. Maybe dinner out...I guess you could say I'm low maintenance. But this year is different, this year is BIG, this year is unique. Any ideas or suggestions on making this a spectacular, unforgettable 2009?