You might be a Mormon if...

The following was originally told by a physician in Utah: I work part-time as a teacher of family doctors. The program provides training on psychiatric disorders and emphasizes the importance of emotional support. . . . One of our interns, who has never lived in Utah and knows nothing about Mormons, is still struggling to understand the cultural climate here. He was interviewing a new patient and stumbled on what he thought was a raging psychosis. Here's a summary of his conversation with the patient. Doctor: "Well, Mrs. Olsen, we've talked about your high blood pressure and your medications. Are you experiencing any particular stress in your life?" Patient: "Oh, yes. It's the Sunbeams. They're driving me crazy." Doctor: "The Sunbeams?" Patient: "Yes. I've never had trouble with them before, but this group won't sit still. They bounce all over the room, and run out the door and down the hall." Doctor: (reaching for a pen): "Have you told anyone about this?" Patient: "Of course. I told the president." Doctor: "Really! What did the president tell you?" Patient: "She said Sunbeams are like that. I'm just going to have to learn to deal with them." Doctor: (concerned that he may be missing something): "I know people who are sensitive to sunbeams. Do they cause you a rash or anything?" Patient: "A rash? No." Doctor: "Then what is the biggest problem they're creating?" Patient: "It's the noise. They just won't quit talking." Doctor (astonished): "The sunbeams are talking to you?" Patient: "Well, yes. But mostly they talk to each other." Doctor (scribbling furiously in the chart): "I see. Can anyone else hear them talking?" Patient (after a moment of stunned silence): "You're not LDS, are you?......"