Be Still and Know

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New Years and Resolutions are upon us.  You can't not see reminders of it all over the internet and social media.  Weight loss goals, financial goals, fitness goals, educational goals.  I like, everyone else, want to start fresh at the beginning of the year.  Over the past several years, I have participated in one word or one little word resolutions.  It's a much simpler way of doing things, focusing on that one word in all aspects of my life.   Words can be very powerful, especially as we ponderize and internalize.

I have chosen words that I really needed at the time and learned much from over the past years.  Some examples of words I have chosen in the past are:

Simplify
Gratitude
Brave
Loved

This year a scripture keeps resonating with me, and I can't quite keep it to one word.  Psalms 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God."  

I almost feel as if this simple scripture encapsulates every one word I have used in the past.

2016 is a year of spiritual growth for me.  While, yes, I have some fitness and weight goals, too, 'Be Still and Know that I am God" sits first and foremost in my mind and heart.

What is your one word or goal for the year?

 

Loved and One Word

In years past, I have focused on various words as a New Years Resolution.  Instead of goals, focus on one thing in all aspects of my life.  It is that one word thing...you can do it, too.

In years past I have focused on Simplify, Grateful, Be Brave.  Every year, the word just seems to find me.  Somehow I have a spiritual epiphany of what exactly I need.

I recently made an order online that included a free gift.  I wanted to give it for Christmas...I had already gotten Ladybug some jewlrey, my mom makes her own jewelry and it seemed a little over the top for Miguel's girlfriend.  I mean she would think I was weird or something.  So, here I have this lovely necklace that just couldn't find it's right owner.  It didn't seem appropriate to give it to myself.  I can't give myself a necklace that says I am loved.  That's presumptuous isn't it?  And sometimes, I don't feel loved.  Trying to deflect all those Satan darts, I sometimes forget that I AM LOVED.  So, I guess what I have decided as my word of the year is LOVED.  I need to focus on feeling loved, realizing that I am loved whether it be from my family or my Savior and accepting that love...feeling worthy of it instead of dismissing it.  I AM worthy of His love.

We all have things we need to work on.  Don't overwhelm yourself with too many goals.  Choose one word that you truly need to learn from.  It has been life changing for me...

 

Bravery, Ladybug and SFO

You know I have been working on being brave this year...doing things that are out of my comfort zone.  This past week Ladybug went to San Francisco with her high school choir group, and I freaking had to be brave.  It's not like we have never been apart.  She has gone on trips with her grandparents and girl's camp without me...but this is California!  And not just a few hours drive...She is my baby, and this was so dang hard.

She was so good about texting or calling at least once a day to check in.  She got to do so many fun things and sing in some amazing cathedrals.  This was good for her, and it was good for me.  I usually don't like being brave, and this is one of those times.  I sure missed this kid.

Turns out I was just really sad...

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The other day I was diagnosed with moderate depression.  I was shocked.  But then again, not so much.  I went to the doctor to have my hormone levels checked since I am getting to that age of changing hormones.  Weeks of crying at the drop of a pin, loss of interest in things I used to love (like blogging), not able to do much besides lay on the couch curled up like a ball apparently are all indicators of depression.  The funny thing is, I didn't think I was sad.  He said that months sometimes years of stress can catch up with you, and the strongest coping person can sometimes succumb.

I didn't think I'd been stressed particularly, but then I thought back over the last few years...TJ left for the Air Force and Miguel left for his mission.  Both of which were very hard on me...For someone who has been used to mothering three for so long, I suddenly had to reevaluate who I am besides a mom because then there was one (Ladybug...love that girl).  I had my back issue last summer and then the surgery in September.  Being in constant pain, I remember understanding why someone would commit suicide in a similar situation.  Not that I would, but I could empathize because quality of life is all but diminished and waking up in the morning thinking, "Is this all there is?" while life goes on around you and without you, can be quite depressing.  Then the holidays came, and as hard as I tried to embrace a minimalist Christmas this year, I was still overwhelmed.  Then the weather, oh the weather!  For over a month, we were smothered under a blanket of inversion.  At times I felt like I was going to suffocate beneath this foggy darkness that I just couldn't rid myself of, there was no escaping it, and I so desperately missed the sun.

Being called to be the Youth Leader was a blessing with excitement and also stress because therein lies a lot of responsibility and expectations.  But the kicker, the one that broke the camel's back, so to speak, was when I learned my parents wanted to move 12 hours away to Las Vegas.  Poof!  A light went out, I broke, I felt like I had nothing left to give.  I was not worthy, worthwhile, why me?

I'm so glad I went to the doctor, even though it wasn't what I thought.  Going to the doctor gave me answers and choices.  I could go the medicated route or I could make an attitude adjustment.  I decided to adjust my behaviors and attitude.  I needed to get back to working out since I hadn't been able to run in so long.  I needed to enjoy all those natural, happy endorphins, watch what kinds of food I eat and diligently fill my soul with the Word.  Because, quite frankly, I should be the happiest person ever!  I have awesome kids, a loving husband, a good job, a cute house, the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  Turns out I was just really sad, and an attitude change and faith in Jesus Christ will bring healing to my life.  I am stronger than depression and this is, yet, another opportunity for bravery.

And now you understand why I quit blogging, but then didn't...

The End?

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It is with a heavy heart that I have come to the decision that this may be the end of blogging for me.  I have been blogging since 2008, and have thoroughly enjoyed this writing outlet, however recent activities in my life may need to become a priority.  I am running a youth organization.  It takes a lot of brain time for the planning and time, time for the activities and meetings.  It is a good thing, and I am excited about it, but I just don't think I'll have the consistent time to devote to my writing here on this blog.  It is hard to put blogging on the back burner.  I have loved it and the friendships and relationships I have formed.  However, I don't look at it with the same passion and burning desire that I have in the past.  The spark just isn't there, my creativity is lacking.  As I move forward into a different chapter of my life, I will do so with that word of the year and Be Brave.

I plan to continue posting letters from Miguel so that family and friends who wish to, can keep up to date. Perhaps every once in a while I will post on MMB, as well.  Regular, consistent posts from me will be rare.  I do plan to stop in from time to time and visit your blogs and comment.  Please don't un-follow me, if you like me as a blogger and person.  If after a month or two I change my mind, I want to know you are still out there.  You know a girl can change her mind...

Is this the end?

The things that matter most...

My parents who are blessed to live by all their children and grandchildren have decided to move twelve hours away to live near friends.  They have many other reasons for the move, but that's the only one I can hear.  It is like a spear to my heart...I'm not fun enough, I don't make them happy, I'm not good enough.  I was not enough to keep my parents in the same town as their children and grandchildren.  It's selfish of me, I know, but I'm angry, upset, confused...I long for the days of being emotionally constipated.




They don't understand why I'm upset.  They want to sit and talk about it....It's done and said, there is nothing they can say that will ever make me understand their why's.

My word of the year is Brave, how was I to know that I would need to be Brave so soon.  So soon after being selected as a leader of the youth, too.  There are blessings in these words of the year.  The inner, mental and emotional focus on being brave will help me get through these challenges...I'm grateful to Heavenly Father who impressed upon me the need to focus on being Brave.

Have you had to be Brave lately?  

Be Brave

Back in 2012, along with many other bloggers, I participated in the Word of the Year.  My word that year was Simplify...I simplified in many areas of my life from physical clutter to spiritual clutter to clutter of my time uses.  Then came 2013, and the word that chose me was Grateful.  That word was life changing and I will forever be focusing on it daily.  Shortly before December I decided that the word of 2014 would be Brave.  I had been asked to teach a group of women on Sundays.  It was a stretch spiritually as well as, my nerves just being frayed speaking in front of my peers.  So Brave for 2014 has become my motto.

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Since then, I have been asked to do even harder things through 2014.  I have been asked to run our Youth organization over the Young women...to be their mentor, their leader, helping them learn to Come Unto Christ.  I have chosen several wonderful, strong, Christ-filled women to serve alongside me.   I am grateful for this experience, and I know that as I Simplify and prioritize, I will have the time to devote to this awesome responsibility.  It is interesting to me how these two words have helped prepare me for being Brave.  However, I am humble and nervous.  Scared, yet excited.  I am a paradox.  I know that as I am Brave, that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."  Philipians 4:13.

What hard things have you been asked to do? 

Have you chosen a 'Word of the Year'?