Yesterday this mom SNAPPED. I had been dealing with the upsetting news that my parents were moving and my sister-in-law was in pre-term labor. I broke the news to my boys when they got home from school. They must have fed on my tension because they started fighting. I'm not talking about arguing, but drop down, throwing punches angry fighting. All I could do was stare in disbelief. I mean really what could I do, they are both physically bigger than my mere 5'3".
Something snapped. I abhor violence, and the man testosterone that flows through their young bodies was just too much for me to handle. I don't condone violence, but instead of breaking up the fight, I grabbed my purse and keys and left. In that moment, I had no idea where I was going. All I knew is that I never wanted to go home again. I didn't want to be a mom anymore. I had failed, I wanted to quit. It was almost an out of body experience, as I drove aimlessly through the valley. I thought about child abandonment something I have always thought was horrible and selfish, but in my stress induced haze, I found I totally empathized. In that instance, with my warped mind I understood how a mother could leave and never come back.
After a couple of hours reality seemed to kick in when I realized my gas tank was low, my cell phone battery was dying and I only had three dollars in my wallet. Then I started thinking it wasn't Ladybugs fault that her brothers were jerks, it wasn't KT's fault that he had to go golfing instead of handling the chaos. Slowly I made my way back home. I mean really deep down in my heart in some dark recess, I did want to go home.
When I returned home, the boys were friendly and nice to each other like nothing had ever happened. I do not understand men. They can leave lumps and bruises on each other and be friends ten minutes later. It must be the mars and venus thing because women will hold grudges.
I am hereby nominating myself for Mother of the Year Award with all the sarcasm in my shriveled and poisoned heart.
I'm sorry you had such a horrible day. And boys are so weird! The only physical fight I have ever gotten into was with my brother, when I was about 14. I have no idea what it was about. He's really one of my best friends.
ReplyDeleteThat really sucked that they did that. I gotta give it to you, you handled it a lot better I would have done. And I can relate to what you said about understanding why moms would leave their kids and never come back. I've had my days like that where that happened to me. Oh I love my kids but sometimes they do drive to my limits.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes...MEN!! I can't figure them out either and I'm sure they're thinking the same way about us too.
You are a fabulous mother and you had earned a break.
ReplyDeleteI give myself "timeouts" all the time and they are fabulous. I just go into another room...or if possible, I go for a ride. It is amazing how it clears my mind and I am able to stand another round....
I must have missed this post the other day!--I can't believe your parents are moving!--I remember being so jealous of you recently when you wrote about living right across the street from your parents and being able to use their pool...what a bummer!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you would be human if you didn't go through that every once in awhile. I feel like that sometimes. I was reading the conference article on Unselfish Service by Dallin H. Oaks the other day. It says that "Mother's suffer pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child" I totally agree and then I have to remember that if I live to be 85 having kids only lasts about 25% of my life so I can deal right? Anyways I think you leaving like that really taught them a lesson and they will remember it the next time something like that may happen.
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