I am emotionally constipated. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. That's just the way I am. It took a lot of years to train myself to be this way without even realizing it. When I was little, my mom used to tell me to quit being such a Sarah, quit being so dramatic. I didn't know who Sarah was, but I figured out it was some dramatic actress. As a teenager in an up and down relationship, I began to stifle my emotions a little bit more. I learned not to ride the waves and tides. I began to take control.
When I met KT, he was a Marine. I would often reach to hold his hand or put my arm around him and was quickly put in my place. I'm a Marine...No PDA's (public displays of affection). When I was a young mother in the hospital having my second child, I was asking for an epidural. The hospital told me "No", you are a Marine wife, you can tough it out.
Through the years I have taught myself not to cry or show emotion, as emotion is a sign of weakness. I am not weak. Once a Marine always a Marine...Once a Marine Wife, Always a Marine wife...
Things have been changing lately, though. My once secure cork on my emotions is starting to loosen. These emotions of mine want to bubble up and overflow. It is the changes that are occurring. A high school grad, another Senior...It's getting the best of me...I have a decision to make. Do I let it flow or do I push that cork back in?
can you poke a tiny hole in the cork to let it out slowly? :)
ReplyDeleteI have been told that I am the same way - I don't show emotions very easily and tend to keep it all inside to prove that i am not weak. (in the animal world, any sign of weakness is weeded out, so I blame my work with animals... heheh.)
I say "let it flow"! I think a good cry is cleansing every once in a while!
ReplyDeleteLet it flow girl! It is always a release to get it out. You don't have to blubber, there is a time and place but there is nothing to be ashamed of when there are tears (or anger or depression). Look at me! You see me get teary a lot! lol
ReplyDeleteLet it flow! You may be a Marine Wife, but you are a woman first. Have a good cry, then pull up your boot straps and be tough again.
ReplyDeleteAnd follow the tear fest with a chocolate chaser.
I couldn't agree more with Stacey. Especially the last part about chocolate. Perfect. I couldn't have said it better. Bring on the emotional roller coast and ride it!!
ReplyDeleteI think as women we tend to morf into this over time. I have to remind myself that I have a human right to feel what Im feeling.
ReplyDeleteYou are kidding about the no epidural thing right? I can't imagine. I love the term "emotionally constipated." I have NEVER heard that before but I am going to use it! I say cry it out. I can't cry right now b/c of a medicine I am on and I don't feel "me." I feel like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday- where she can't cry. I too find that one can cry -cry the ugly cry and then pull it together. Just cry...it is a great tension reliever.
ReplyDeleteEmotionally constipated, eh? How funny is that?!
ReplyDeleteYou and my sister are two peas in a pod...
I say, Let it out, baby! Although I'm not sure letting it all out has won me any friends over the years...but at least it keeps me from getting ulcers... :)
'give said the little stream'...
ReplyDeleteI think there is a corollary there. If I understand what corollary means.
I was a 'Navy Brat' and my father drilled into me, "Don't be a martyr". As you can surely tell, it didn't work. (I also learned how to take a 'Navy Shower'). If I don't flow, then I will explode.