January Funk

Source

Sometimes January just feels downright oppressive.  It is dark and cold and I don't exercise like I should and sometimes I just feel trapped.  The darkness of the short days in January weigh heavy on me, like a burden on my back.  I don't understand it.  It is just as dark in December, but we have such wonderful things to which we look forward.

January is just January.  

I try to find the beauty of January, the snow covered ground, icicles, frosty tree branches, but the underlying factors or overlying factors are all still there.  I express gratitude for those beauties, but I still just feel sad.  My husband comes home from work and asks me why I am angry.  But, then I feel angry because after almost 24 years of marriage you would think he could read me and see that I'm not angry but sad.  He wants to know what he can do to fix it.  But is there anything one can do about January?

I am in a funk.  January is funky.

I am so looking forward to February.  Not that there is anything special about February for me.  We really have never celebrated Valentine's Day.  February is still dark and cold, but it is one month closer to Spring...one month closer to warmer days and more sunshine.  I have been trying to decorate for Valentine's Day despite the fact that I haven't in the past.  It is giving me something to anticipate.  Maybe it is time to change up our anti-Valentine's Day traditions.  Love and hearts and pinks and reds make me happy.  (so does chocolate)

Seeking Wellness

Source

A Girl CAN Change Her Mind

Source

Back at the beginning of the year, which totally seems like ages ago, I picked a word of the year:  Wellness. What you don't know is that I had a word choose me, but I totally ignored it because it seemed too easy, like something I already had down.  But, I have decided that part of my creativity block may very well have to do with not choosing the appropriate word.  The word that chose me is Gratitude.  I feel like I already have a thankful heart.  But a talk I gave in church and later posted on my blog, (part 1, part 2, part 3), was planted like a seed in my heart and would just not let go.

I am therefore, changing my focus word to Gratitude in hopes of honoring what maybe God has chosen for me and putting my stubbornness aside.  I'll still focus on my wellness but perhaps not in such a public format. I even have a few Wellness posts written and scheduled.  I'll still post those, because I took the time for them, but after that, my one word focus will be Gratitude, because a girl CAN change her mind. Let the creativity of posting flow again....

Have you ever felt a word calling to you?

Last year, for me, it was Simplify.  

Miguel's Missionary Moment

Source

Hello Family & other people,

This week was pretty uneventful, not much happened.  We talked to a lot of people, got rejected a lot, and had appointments canceled, you know,  living the life of a missionary! I'ts amazing and I love it! (not even sarcasm, I really do love it.)

But, these past couple weeks have been different.  I can't tell you when it started, but i have been doing a lot of reflecting about myself; thinking about who I am, why I am on a mission, and why God needs me here. Something has changed...I'm no longer obedient so that I can stay under the radar. I no longer contact people on the street because it is something that I'm suppose to do, I no longer teach the stuff I believe, I teach things I know.  I am no longer looking to the end. I don't know...something just came as a realization to me.  My life after my mission doesn't matter.  Being the first missionary in my family, doesn't matter. I don't need to be amazing because of that.  I don't have to work hard because I'm in love with a girl back at home that I may never see again, and I work hard to not think about that.  I'm not trying to get back home anymore.  This is not about me anymore. 

Yes,  I'm still Miguel, but that's on the side now.  Yes, I still miss everyone. Yes, I still Love Jenny. Yes, I'm still the goofy kid who does dumb stuff all the time, my companions can vouch for that!  I still love everyone and every thing in my life. But, I have come to the realization of how blessed I really am.  I have so many abilities, talents, blessings from God that make me a good missionary without really putting that much effort into it. Everyone who really knows me knows that I have confidence problems. They know I get down on myself, and they know I'm kinda of spaz. But, I have come to realize that this is not about me. I don't worry about what I'm good at anymore. I don't worry about if I'm accomplishing what people expect of me. I'm not worried about never seeing certain people again. I am worried about not being the best missionary I can be. I am worried about my stupid confidence problem, my stupid worries about life after the mission, and all the things that hold me back from finding everyone the Lord needs me to find.

I know that the Lord has confidence in me, and I know that He knows what I can accomplish.  I  know He wants me to be an amazing missionary.  I know there is a plan for me after my mission, but I don't know what it is.  I don't know who I'm gonna marry, I don't know what I'm gonna do for work, but I have finally realized that it doesn't matter! I only have 17 more months to be Elder Miguel, to be the Elder Miguel God needs, not the Elder Miguel I aspire to be, but the Elder Miguel that God expects me to be. God has given me so much! I was looking at myself in the mirror and realized I'm tiered of being what other people expect of me. I'm  tired of worrying about everything back at home. I know what God has given me.  I know that my duty right now is to be a missionary and everything else will come. God has promised me things, things I want so much, but it is my duty to be worthy and diligent enough to receive them, Alma 37: 16-17 has become my favorite scripture:

But if ye keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them) behold, no power of earth or hell can take them from you, for God is powerful to the fulfilling of all his words. For he will fulfill all his promises which he shall make unto you, for he has fulfilled his promises which he has made unto our fathers.

The Lord will fulfill his end but we must accomplish our's. I know that what I am doing is right.  I know that everything else will fall into place.  I know that the Lord has confidence in me!  I don't know a ton, but I know this Church is true, I know it has been restored to the earth through a prophet of God.  I know The Book of Mormon along with the Bible are truly the words of God, and I Know That Jesus Is The Christ. 

Elder Miguel 

2 Nephi 1: 21-23

And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity; That ye may not be cursed with a sore cursing; and also, that ye may not incur the displeasure of a just God upon you, unto the destruction, yea, the eternal destruction of both soul and body.  Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust.

Let it melt, Let it melt, Let it melt

It snowed on Christmas Eve, then again on New Years, and it hasn't melted yet!  I'm sure you think, "Hey lady, you live in Idaho, what do you expect?"  But it has seriously never stayed like this before...at least not in Southern Idaho.  We usually get a snow and it melts off by noon.  This snow has stayed because of the single digit freezing temperatures we have been stuck in for nearly a month.  Brrr. We haven't been able to take down our Christmas lights, not because we are lazy, but because of all the ice on the roof.  This weekend it is supposed to warm up to 37°.  I don't think I've ever celebrated 37° before.  It's almost tropical!  Time to take those down!

This is what happens when it's been foggy and freezing.

Kind of a pretty effect to this chilly weather.

Speaking of shaving yesterday,

KT had to shave off his goatee for work.
  

Now he remarks that his chin gets cold.  

Ya think?