Dimming Light and Feeling Loved

 

I am sitting here in the dimming light on a Friday night alone in our house.  It is quiet all except the ticking of the big clock upstairs.  My house is noticeably empty, the boys have moved out and KT is in Japan and sweet Ladybug is at her first High school dance and my house is empty and I am so very, very lonely.  It wasn't so long ago that my house burst at the seams with energy and people and vitality and there were moments where I longed for silence.  And now I have it,  yet I find myself longing for those other moments.  The peace and solitude is not all I'd thought it would be...

But after I have written this and curled up with a blanket and Hallmark movies, there is a knock at the door.  TJ has stopped by to check on me...thought I might be lonely.  Isn't it interesting how Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need when we need it.  At this moment, I felt so very, very loved. 

 

When have you felt loved this week?

 

Secrets, KT and Japan

Okay, I've got something I've been sitting on for a while, a secret of sorts.  My husband has been in Japan for veritably almost the whole month of February.  I didn't share this online here, and he was even forbidden from posting on Facebook...posts and pictures from Japan.  Let's face it, sometimes the online world isn't safe, and posting that I'm home alone for a month with my cute 16 year old daughter would just be downright stupid.  But, I am happy to say,  KT has returned, or he will later today. 

I have had a taste of single parenthood and truth be told...I DON'T LIKE IT.  No thank you!  A week here or there for a business trip...fine but the 20 days?  Heck no!  AND, he was able to come home a day early which in and of itself feels like a tremendous blessing.  But let's look at the month of February in review, shall we, and see what he has missed:

Valentine's Day
Shopping for Groomsmen clothes
Sampling the banquet menu for the after wedding luncheon
New Beginnings for Ladybug at Church
The funeral of a friend's son
Ladybug's first HS Dance (she looked lovely, by the way)

I'll be sure to blog on a few of these, for KT, yeah buddy, you missed some stuff, and we missed you! 

What do you think of business trips and travel and long separations? 

Sucky?

Bravery, Ladybug and SFO

You know I have been working on being brave this year...doing things that are out of my comfort zone.  This past week Ladybug went to San Francisco with her high school choir group, and I freaking had to be brave.  It's not like we have never been apart.  She has gone on trips with her grandparents and girl's camp without me...but this is California!  And not just a few hours drive...She is my baby, and this was so dang hard.

She was so good about texting or calling at least once a day to check in.  She got to do so many fun things and sing in some amazing cathedrals.  This was good for her, and it was good for me.  I usually don't like being brave, and this is one of those times.  I sure missed this kid.

What 16 looks like

This is ladybug and her wonder woman pose or superman, yeah, superman...she's a big fan.

She turned 16 on the 4th and broke her mama's heart.  

I told her when she was little to quit that growing up, and she was exasperated at 5 years old and said, 

"I don't know how to stop!"

I don't usually make a big birthday deal...we celebrate with family and offer small gifts.  

But, 16, that birthday is a monumental birthday.  

She can date and at some point, when "I'm ready", 

She can drive.

Can you tell what Ladybug's favorite color is?  

I love mason jars, and decided to use them for putting out the treats...

We used them for cutlery, too.
Cutlery...that's a funny word.

What an amazing, sweet, smart and righteous daughter Ladybug has become!

I am grateful and feel truly blessed.

*Happy Birthday to you printable here

*Celebrate banner printable here

Turns out I was just really sad...

Source

The other day I was diagnosed with moderate depression.  I was shocked.  But then again, not so much.  I went to the doctor to have my hormone levels checked since I am getting to that age of changing hormones.  Weeks of crying at the drop of a pin, loss of interest in things I used to love (like blogging), not able to do much besides lay on the couch curled up like a ball apparently are all indicators of depression.  The funny thing is, I didn't think I was sad.  He said that months sometimes years of stress can catch up with you, and the strongest coping person can sometimes succumb.

I didn't think I'd been stressed particularly, but then I thought back over the last few years...TJ left for the Air Force and Miguel left for his mission.  Both of which were very hard on me...For someone who has been used to mothering three for so long, I suddenly had to reevaluate who I am besides a mom because then there was one (Ladybug...love that girl).  I had my back issue last summer and then the surgery in September.  Being in constant pain, I remember understanding why someone would commit suicide in a similar situation.  Not that I would, but I could empathize because quality of life is all but diminished and waking up in the morning thinking, "Is this all there is?" while life goes on around you and without you, can be quite depressing.  Then the holidays came, and as hard as I tried to embrace a minimalist Christmas this year, I was still overwhelmed.  Then the weather, oh the weather!  For over a month, we were smothered under a blanket of inversion.  At times I felt like I was going to suffocate beneath this foggy darkness that I just couldn't rid myself of, there was no escaping it, and I so desperately missed the sun.

Being called to be the Youth Leader was a blessing with excitement and also stress because therein lies a lot of responsibility and expectations.  But the kicker, the one that broke the camel's back, so to speak, was when I learned my parents wanted to move 12 hours away to Las Vegas.  Poof!  A light went out, I broke, I felt like I had nothing left to give.  I was not worthy, worthwhile, why me?

I'm so glad I went to the doctor, even though it wasn't what I thought.  Going to the doctor gave me answers and choices.  I could go the medicated route or I could make an attitude adjustment.  I decided to adjust my behaviors and attitude.  I needed to get back to working out since I hadn't been able to run in so long.  I needed to enjoy all those natural, happy endorphins, watch what kinds of food I eat and diligently fill my soul with the Word.  Because, quite frankly, I should be the happiest person ever!  I have awesome kids, a loving husband, a good job, a cute house, the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  Turns out I was just really sad, and an attitude change and faith in Jesus Christ will bring healing to my life.  I am stronger than depression and this is, yet, another opportunity for bravery.

And now you understand why I quit blogging, but then didn't...

Myth Busted

Source

We anxiously checked the weather.  They were calling for freezing rain followed by snow which would make for treacherous morning driving.  School closures seemed eminent and  Ladybug, despite a two week break for Christmas, secretly longed for a snow day.  There is something special about a snow day.  It's like you are getting away with something, but it's okay.

Superstitious myths were passed by word of mouth.  Things that would *guarantee* a snow day.  Dutifully Ladybug followed through on each and every one.

1. Flush ice cubes down the toilet
2. Sleep with your pajamas backwards
3. Sleep with a spoon under your pillow

Morning came with just a small dusting of snow and zero school closures and major disappointment.  Despite all the measures taken, Ladybug had to go to school, and thus the Myth of how to ensure a Snow Day was busted.  

What is it that make Snow Days so different, special and longed for?

 

A Major Award

Back in the year of our Lord 2013, in the month on December on the day of the 16th, I attended a late doctors appointment with KT.  On our way home at 5:45 Ladybug was texting us that she was hungry, and anything I could make wouldn't be ready until at least 7:30.  We decided on that day and in that hour of our hunger needs to stop at McDonalds.  We NEVER eat at McDonald's...well rarely anyway.    I ordered my Big Mac and fries in a moment of weakness.  When we got home we realized there were game tickets to pull.  As I pulled my ticket off my fries, I realized the printing was too small, that I either needed my glasses or to squint.  As I squinted, I made out the words that said I had won and Xbox One and a game.  I couldn't believe it!  People really do win these things!!

I really don't play many games, however when Miguel gets home from his mission he will be thrilled to have it.  It was a Christmas miracle, a Major Award, and that is the end of my story.

A Christmas Kick Off

Right after Thanksgiving, we piled in the car, the three of us, and headed down to Salt Lake City.  We had a free hotel stay that would be expiring and the thought of a little get a way was just too enticing. You know how I mentioned "Make Christmas an Experience"?

I thought this was the perfect time to do something we had never done before.  We decided to go see all the beautiful Christmas lights at Temple Square.  Temple Square is sort of a tourist stop for people curious about the LDS church as well as a wonderful place for it's members to visit.  There were many, MANY people who had the same idea.  I joked that it was more crowded than Disneyland, and I suspect that it was...That's a good thing, don't you think?  People crowding in for the Savior instead of the Mouse?

What a fantastic way to kick off the Christmas season than with Lights, carols and nativities from around the world.  I was filled with the spirit of love for my family and the spirit of Christmas.  It was enough...

What have you done to jumpstart the Christmas Season?

It's a Tradition...Craft Boutique's, Jewels and Marshmallow Caramels

Hello Friends, Happy Thursday to you...When I was a little girl, my mom used to take me to this craft fair called Grandmother's House.  They held it every year in Denver in model homes.  It was pretty fun...Fast forward many  years later...too many to count, and my mom (who coincidentally is a grandma) is a crafter in a similar Craft Bazaar.

If you live in the South West Idaho area, you might want to check out the Holiday House Boutique...My mom has lovely handmade jewelry.  Just look for the Simply Sassy designs by Cindy.  Cute, cute, cute...Another favorite of mine are the Marshmallow Caramels...However, I'm not sure if in my post back surgery weight loss plan that is allowed.  Ah heck!  What's life without a little treat...

So, I will be taking my daughter, Ladybug, to this here craft boutique...It is tradition:

See you there!  And save me some caramels.  

Summertime Breaks

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Hello dearest, do you miss me?  I know I haven't been around much these last few weeks.  After much contemplating, I came to the realization that I just do not have many summers left with my sweet daughter.  I mean she will be a high school sophomore in August! Since my boys have left home, I have found that moments with children slip away far too fast.

Although I love writing and reading and visiting your blogs, I love my daughter more.  These long summer days have grown far too short and far too few of them are left.  Before long, I will be back to work at the school, and Ladybug will be back in classes at her school.  I have decided to focus the remainder of my summer on her and some quality time spent together.

I miss the summers of busy boys and legos and dinosaurs.  Before I know it, I will be missing my precious time with Ladybug, too.  I will continue to post Miguel's Missionary Moment on Mondays.

Hang tight, I will return...

Jewels in my Crown

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I have often heard children referred to as the jewels in your crown.  I am assuming I have a crown because I am a daughter of a Heavenly King, otherwise, I'm not sure WHY I have a crown.  But, I do know I am blessed with three beautiful jewels....Priceless and irreplaceable.

TJ

Missionary Miguel

Ladybug

I have to say that Mother's Day was probably the best one ever.  How is THAT with two of my boys gone?  I'm not sure myself, but KT sure pampered the heck out of me.  He cooked, he did dishes and he started the laundry.  All I had to do was sit back on my royal backside.  Ladybug made me a beautiful card and hugged me and told me she loved me throughout the day.    Miguel got to call home from his mission to talk to his mama for an hour.  We don't talk by twice a year...it's a distraction.  I thought it would make him more homesick...It didn't, but it made me more Miguel sick.  Gosh I miss that kid...TJ, who is in the Air Force, Face Timed with me from New Mexico.  He and I text or call almost every day, but the Face Time was different.

Not to brag, but I feel so blessed...I love my little family.  

How did your family make you feel special yesterday?

 

Pervert in the Parking Lot

Last week found my husband and I sitting in Tucano's.  He took a half day off of work to spend with me and to use my free birthday meal from said restaurant.  It would be such a waste not to use it, wouldn't you think?  After a lovely, VERY filling meal, we were headed home when KT received a phone call from Ladybug's high school.  The attendance secretary was concerned because she received a suspicious sounding phone call from someone claiming to be Ladybug's father trying to have her released early from school.  The attendance secretary wanted to confirm that KT had indeed made that call.  We informed her that we did not make the call and to not release Ladybug from class.  We told her we were on our way, and that we wanted to see who was waiting for her in the parking lot.

All kinds of scary thoughts raced through my mama head.  A pervert she met online, fishing for information and baiting her out of school.  In those panicked moments, the traffic could not have moved slower.  Everyone was going five miles under the speed limit.  I wanted to roar at them to move it, out of the way! As we finally reached the school, my husband wanted to peruse the parking lot before actually running inside.  This is who we found....

The pervert wasn't actually a pervert at all, but my Air Force son, TJ, home for the weekend for a surprise.  We ruined his surprise with our paranoia, but whatever...

A mother couldn't have been more relieved and excited at the same time.  He drove up from New Mexico to spend about 48 hours at home.  He said it was a late birthday present for his mama.  He brought his sweet girlfriend and we had all kinds of fun.

Have you ever gotten a call like that at school?  

What would you do?