Friday, October 25, 2013

Exclusion and Seasons

Feelings of  exclusion as opposed to inclusion, whether purposeful or not, can be quite detrimental to my psyche, no doubt.  I've found lately that I don't  quite know where I fit in.  I mean with both of my boys out of the house and out of state and my one VERY special and QUIET daughter living at home, the dynamics that were my life and my roles are changing.

I belong to a Church that preaches and respects the divinity of motherhood for which I am most grateful and thoroughly believe.  But...I'm still a mother, yet the demands and needs of mine are vastly different from what they were say, ten years ago, and sometimes I just don't fit...

Often times when I go to Women's Conferences or Church activities so much is focused on raising little ones, as it should be, but there is a group of us that are sort of lost and neglected.  I suppose I can relate to those women who don't yet have children; we can relate on a certain level, and that is the feeling of not belonging or the lack of inclusion.  I am happy in my new phase, don't get me wrong, but a little guidance in how to make that transition smoother would be much appreciated.

For instance, I love the quieter, unhurried pace that I now experience.  But at the same time, I miss the energy that it and my boys brought as well.  A dichotomy?  Yes!  I am a Pandora's box of emotions where these dichotomies are concerned.   My house is almost always tidy and clean.  I dreamed of these days, but now in my afternoons when I come home from work, I need to find other hobbies.  As if cleaning were a hobby!

To clear things up, I'm not complaining.  My glass is half full, trying to find the rainbows type of thing, but a little help, suggestions and guidance on what the heck to do with the rest of my life would be most welcome.  I find comfort in the words in Ecclesiastes 3:1-12:
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.  What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?  I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.  He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.  I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life."

How do you handle the changing seasons of life?  

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  1. That is a good question. I too am in that partial empty-nest stage, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I love it, yet am not yet super comfortable with it. I would love to have more sharing on this stage of life.

  2. You get your life back! Woo-hoo! No seriously, it just feels really weird because it requires an immense amount of self-sacrifice--giving up you and focusing on what you love--to focus on and love your kids while you are raising them at home. This is the difficult adjustment that young mother's make. You obviously made it well. Now gathering yourself back together and focusing on things that you love and developing your talents is an equally difficult transition. I hope you find things you love and focus on them. Every ounce of intelligence you gain in this life you can take with you in the next and now you have a great season of service and knowledge-gathering in your life which is extended before you. :)

  3. I'm still transitioning from the single take-care-of-myself stage to mother of little ones. I'll probably get it fixed by about the time they leave the house. :).

  4. I have no doubt you will find your way. There may be those around you in need of your expertise in raising children or other moms who sons/daughters on missions! Each phase we go through feels so weird because we are out of our comfort zone. I have no doubt when Feb. comes and I have a little boy to take care of, I'm going to feel crazy for a loooong time being out of my element! You'll find you way and it will be GREAT!


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