Cheeseburgers, Shopping & Giant Cowboys

Once upon a time I very proudly announced that I was emotionally constipated.  In recent months as the reality of life has settled upon me, I have become less and less emotionally constipated.  Saturday night, I was feeling pretty weepy...I miss my boys.  TJ is in the military in New Mexico and Miguel is serving a full time mission living in Georgia.  If it weren't for my sweet Ladybug, I'd be an empty nester.  I've decided that I'm not going to be very fond of that life stage...But back to Saturday...No amount of window shopping and family time could quell my melancholy.  The lump in my throat could not be swallowed down and tears would just run out of my eyes.  There had to be some kind of cure for this sickness.

Dr. KT had the perfect prescription...Hop in the Bug for a quick one day trip out of town for some good shopping and good food.  And when I say good food, I mean In N Out burger, baby.  Considering I have done absolutely NOTHING this summer, I found this quick trip a fitting end to my nothingness; a welcoing distraction to my emptying home.  Twenty four hours later, I was back in my own home with a major mood enhancement.  My husband sure knows me...Cheeseburgers, shopping and giant cowboys make me happy.

Am I Tough Enough?

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Recently, as in November, I under went a medical procedure. KT was there with me to comfort me through this delicate ordeal. I really wanted to prove to him that I was tough.  I mean, I was a Marine Wife who was denied an epidural while giving birth to Miguel.  You'd think THAT would prove I was tough.  I'm also admittedly emotionally constipated.  No weepy wife for KT!

Later, after my procedure, I asked him if I took it like a man to which he replied, "No, because a man wouldn't have to go through that."  So, I rephrased the question and asked if I took it like a tough a$$ed biatch.  (yes, I did say that...at times I have a potty mouth).  After laughing at me, this time he replied, "No, even though you didn't make a sound, you made a squishy face."

What do I have to do to prove I am tough, 

hmmm, KT?

 

Emotionally Constipated

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I am emotionally constipated. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. That's just the way I am. It took a lot of years to train myself to be this way without even realizing it. When I was little, my mom used to tell me to quit being such a Sarah, quit being so dramatic. I didn't know who Sarah was, but I figured out it was some dramatic actress. As a teenager in an up and down relationship, I began to stifle my emotions a little bit more. I learned not to ride the waves and tides.  I began to take control.

When I met KT, he was a Marine. I would often reach to hold his hand or put my arm around him and was quickly put in my place. I'm a Marine...No PDA's (public displays of affection). When I was a young mother in the hospital having my second child, I was asking for an epidural. The hospital told me "No",  you are a Marine wife, you can tough it out.

Through the years I have taught myself not to cry or show emotion, as emotion is a sign of weakness. I am not weak. Once a Marine always a Marine...Once a Marine Wife, Always a Marine wife...

Things have been changing lately, though. My once secure cork on my emotions is starting to loosen. These emotions of mine want to bubble up and overflow. It is the changes that are occurring. A high school grad, another Senior...It's getting the best of me...I have a decision to make.  Do I let it flow or do I push that cork back in?