Miguel's Missionary Moment

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Hello Family & other people,

This week was pretty uneventful, not much happened.  We talked to a lot of people, got rejected a lot, and had appointments canceled, you know,  living the life of a missionary! I'ts amazing and I love it! (not even sarcasm, I really do love it.)

But, these past couple weeks have been different.  I can't tell you when it started, but i have been doing a lot of reflecting about myself; thinking about who I am, why I am on a mission, and why God needs me here. Something has changed...I'm no longer obedient so that I can stay under the radar. I no longer contact people on the street because it is something that I'm suppose to do, I no longer teach the stuff I believe, I teach things I know.  I am no longer looking to the end. I don't know...something just came as a realization to me.  My life after my mission doesn't matter.  Being the first missionary in my family, doesn't matter. I don't need to be amazing because of that.  I don't have to work hard because I'm in love with a girl back at home that I may never see again, and I work hard to not think about that.  I'm not trying to get back home anymore.  This is not about me anymore. 

Yes,  I'm still Miguel, but that's on the side now.  Yes, I still miss everyone. Yes, I still Love Jenny. Yes, I'm still the goofy kid who does dumb stuff all the time, my companions can vouch for that!  I still love everyone and every thing in my life. But, I have come to the realization of how blessed I really am.  I have so many abilities, talents, blessings from God that make me a good missionary without really putting that much effort into it. Everyone who really knows me knows that I have confidence problems. They know I get down on myself, and they know I'm kinda of spaz. But, I have come to realize that this is not about me. I don't worry about what I'm good at anymore. I don't worry about if I'm accomplishing what people expect of me. I'm not worried about never seeing certain people again. I am worried about not being the best missionary I can be. I am worried about my stupid confidence problem, my stupid worries about life after the mission, and all the things that hold me back from finding everyone the Lord needs me to find.

I know that the Lord has confidence in me, and I know that He knows what I can accomplish.  I  know He wants me to be an amazing missionary.  I know there is a plan for me after my mission, but I don't know what it is.  I don't know who I'm gonna marry, I don't know what I'm gonna do for work, but I have finally realized that it doesn't matter! I only have 17 more months to be Elder Miguel, to be the Elder Miguel God needs, not the Elder Miguel I aspire to be, but the Elder Miguel that God expects me to be. God has given me so much! I was looking at myself in the mirror and realized I'm tiered of being what other people expect of me. I'm  tired of worrying about everything back at home. I know what God has given me.  I know that my duty right now is to be a missionary and everything else will come. God has promised me things, things I want so much, but it is my duty to be worthy and diligent enough to receive them, Alma 37: 16-17 has become my favorite scripture:

But if ye keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them) behold, no power of earth or hell can take them from you, for God is powerful to the fulfilling of all his words. For he will fulfill all his promises which he shall make unto you, for he has fulfilled his promises which he has made unto our fathers.

The Lord will fulfill his end but we must accomplish our's. I know that what I am doing is right.  I know that everything else will fall into place.  I know that the Lord has confidence in me!  I don't know a ton, but I know this Church is true, I know it has been restored to the earth through a prophet of God.  I know The Book of Mormon along with the Bible are truly the words of God, and I Know That Jesus Is The Christ. 

Elder Miguel 

2 Nephi 1: 21-23

And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity; That ye may not be cursed with a sore cursing; and also, that ye may not incur the displeasure of a just God upon you, unto the destruction, yea, the eternal destruction of both soul and body.  Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust.