YES, you read that right, I said the word HELL as in h-e-double hockey sticks. There are so many heartwarming Christmas stories, I myself have shared a few, but everything is not always perfect. We had a really sucky year once right at Christmas time. It seemed if something bad was going to happen, then it was going to happen to us that Christmas. I mean, what the crap? Instead of turning to Christ as I should have, laying my burdens at His feet, I just got pissed. It took several years before I felt the same about Christmas again.
I was four months pregnant with two little boys already in tow. We were a one car family and decided to clean out our savings to buy a used car for me to go back and forth to appointments and such. A week after acquiring our new, old car, my baby died. I had to have a D and C and needed to find a babysitter for my two snot nosed boys who were nursing a cold. Without family nearby, I called the people who are supposed to help you in said circumstances. Much to my discouragement, I got "No's" all over the place. I finally found a girlfriend willing to take my little bugs. Two days later a sister at church called me to babysit her kids because her husband was in the hospital. I said yes, of course, not wanting her to feel as forlorn as I had. She then proceeded to call me everyday to watch her kids. I was still nursing my own health issues and had family coming in for the holidays.
A week later car number one died on my dh right at work. On the bright side, it died in the parking lot at work and waited until we had two cars, but at that point there were no bright sides. He wanted me to drive out in a foot of snow 20 miles to his work to meet the tow truck driver. As a dutiful wife, I drove out with my babies. The roads were tricky and my jeep was all over the place. When I met the tow truck driver, he pointed to a flat tire on my jeep. Are you kidding? He noticed my exasperation and in the Christmas spirit, changed my tire for free.
Taking car number one to the GM dealer I listened as they calmly told me the diagnosis for my vehicle. A cracked head gasket something so foreign to my vehically inept mind, I didn't realize the seriousness of the situation until they told me they need $2,000 to get it running again. Standing there staring at the service reps and mechanics I crumbled. I had held in my frustrations and heartbreak too long, I was grieving and stressed and the financial burdens were too heavy, right there I bawled my eyes out hyperventillating and wondering what else could go wrong. The plus side, is that they felt so helpless at my crying they took 10% off and strongly suggested I go home.
I have never dealt with cars since. I still feel mortification over the thought of my melt down in front of a bunch of guys I didn't even know. One important lesson I've learned besides the fact that I should have relied on the Lord more is now when something crappy happens I always tell myself it could be worse.
And that is why overly sappy Christmas letters can push me over the edge. It started that dreadful year long ago...
I know that your post was mostly about your sucky luck with cars but I was stopped in my tracks about you losing your baby at 4 months. I went through that hell twice. The first time I was 5 months along and the second, 4.
ReplyDeleteIt's been several years but is still painful; and is a subject I rarely if ever see talked about.
So...I'm sorry about the cars. And about your baby. I probably just caused your memory to be more hellish; and don't expect you talk about it; I just felt more of a connection to you than I already did.
Do I dare say "Merry Christmas?" Well, I just did. =)
Aww....this is such a beautiful story. That magazine had no clue what they missed out not publishing your story. It really is the one of the best Christmas story I've ever read. Thank you so much for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteThat comment earlier was meant for the post before this one. I'm so sorry about your baby.
ReplyDeleteThe car problem sucks...it seems like when there's problem, it pours. I always wonder why that is...when things are going great, it's just wonderful and then all of a sudden if one thing goes wrong, other things go wrong one right after another.
Thank you for sharing this. A little secret, I also don't like those Christmas letters too, where everyone seems to talking about their hub's promotion, they're perfect kids with their over achieving accomplishments, and all that blah blah blah. I try not to do that when I'm sending out Christmas cards...I just signed them and wish them a merry one. Then I have my hub call his family to update them on how we're doing and I do the same.
I'm sorry that it was so hard to find someone, anyone to help you out. That would have to be the worst lonliest part. I know that some women greive over their lost babies for years. It's a very real loss for them. Sorry about the car trouble too. I'm feeling you pain even though it was so long ago. I know it was a long time ago, but I think most people at some point feel like they are having everything not go their way while everything is going right for everyone else. I've had those feelings myself over various issues in life at times. It's too bad we have to feel so alone in those moments because I don't really think we are.
ReplyDeleteI don't know a lot of people who love Christmas letters. And sometimes, things just really suck!
ReplyDeleteI certainly can relate to this post. Been there, done that! So frustrating that it builds up in time for Christmas. Hope this Christmas goes better for you.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you, that is the Christmas from Hell. You deserved a meltdown or two. I'm sorry that you lost your baby as well. That's terrible. I hope your Christmases since then have been much merrier.
ReplyDeleteHoly Hell! I am so sorry about the loss of your baby and all the difficulties surrounding that Christmas. I can relate, in more ways than one.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope we both have a merrier Christmas this year!
Crap, you've had a rough time. Hang in there...
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